Maybe it’s the Spring in the air, or it could be all the people complaining about their relationships, or smiling into each others’ mouths.  I find my mind wandering towards all the girls I’ve loved, and how I loved them.  The puppy love, with its giggles and bounciness.  The unrequited love, and the way I pined away my hours waiting and hoping.  The friendly love, with it’s caring, generosity, and great times shared.  The naughty love, with the brief-yet-bright illumination of sensual bliss.  The toxic love, that consumed us until one of us had the courage to let it go.  The deep love that stands the test of time, even long after we’ve parted ways.

In some ways it all blends together and has become the jambalaya of my heart.  And as delicious as this concoction is, I do know there are bones and gravel mixed in, which many have been kind enough to pick out.  As I flip through the yearbook of my heart and see the faces of the women who loved me, I am reminded that none of them ever meant to hurt me.  In fact, every one of them wanted to make my world a better place, and to heal the little person inside me, although my mileage varied.

When I lay in the expanse of my bed at night, I can occasionally feel them in my arms, the proxy pillow much softer and shorter – snuggly nonetheless.  Or a cool breeze brushes by and  I feel their hand on my skin.  These are the gifts they have left me, not the curse I thought them to be.  For each of them has become part of me, and flow through my veins. These thoughts remind me that while I may be an odd sort of fellow, I am someone they loved courageously.  And where I used to feel remorse at the way they hurt me, I feel only joy and appreciation for the aliveness they provided.

So, to all the girls I’ve loved before, thank you.  Whoever loves me next greatly appreciates the gifts you’ve given me.

My past holidays are filled with depression and complaints about what I didn’t have, what didn’t work, and why I didn’t work.  This year, on a warm October night, standing on the banks of a well lit concrete lake outside of an inexpensive food emporium, I declared to someone that this would be the most extraordinary holiday season I’ve ever had, and for everyone around me, too.

I swore this is my last Thanksgiving without a listening of Alice’s Restaurant and my father’s “World’s Greatest Stuffing” with 20 herbs and spices, for which I was the official taster for over 15 years.  Apparently there “is no recipe,” and I will now spend years trying to recreate the stuffing that was brilliant either for its flavor or because Dad and I had a tradition of making it together.  Although the feedback over the years suggests it’s a little of both.

My relationship to Christmas has always been shaky at best, and mostly humbug.  Being raised Jewish, my only access to Xmas as a child were the trappings at school, the music at the mall, visiting friends on Xmas eve or day, and television, my old friend.  In college, I gave it a decent try.  Cockeyed fir trees and light strings, even doing the gift exchange a few times.  I might still have a few ornaments in storage.  Florida Xmas leaves much to be desired.

I may not have gingerbread houses or a gaggle of children to celebrate with.  But I have my Vince Guaraldi, and a slew of great Xmas friends.  I have a family to spend the holidays with, and tradition I have created in the last few years.  The cynic in me makes it a point to wish people “Merry Commerce,” even while knowing I should thank big business for creating holidays.

It is utter genius to create occasions where all people celebrate on the same day, where all the parties are going on, where we all come to celebrate things like love, family, and food.  How wonderful is it that during the same month of each year, we all agree to be generous, loving, and celebrate another year marked off.

For the first time in my life, I am grateful for the holiday season.  Turns out whatever I thought Holiday cheer was has nothing to do with the holidays.

I am getting the one thing I want the most this year, and the one thing I want the most in life:

Happiness.

Sure, lots of other things probably happened that day.  People got married and broke up, car accidents happened.  Houses burned and banquets were served, but these are the two that matter for the purpose of this post.

34 years later, much remains unchanged.  It’s Election day today.  My mom still gets me the coolest birthday cards.  I have the same number of appendages and internal organs I did then (with the exception of teeth; I started with none).

Some things, however, are different.  I live in Georgia, which is where Jimmy Carter lives.  Four prong telephone jacks and giant calculating machines have been replaced with fiber optic cable and intarwebz. Jim Henson has been gone from this world for 20 years.

Today is the Mic Mell New Year, and two days into the official launch of my annual holiday season.  For the first time since I turned 20, today is a pure celebration of me.  The one time each year when narcissism is not only acceptable, but mandatory.

Today I will feast upon chicken wings and the love of my friends.  As my birthday week marches on, I will meet new family members and hug old ones, and party with a perfect view of Midtown Atlanta.

If life was any better, it would be exactly the same.

Leadership goes beyond just “management”. A look at some of the common characteristics that seem to underlie the common successes of great leaders.

Several years ago, while traveling in Europe with my wife, we found ourselves right in the middle of the conflict between the United States and Libya.

We had just entered West Germany, when a suspected Libyan terrorist blew up a pub, killing several Americans. Several days later, just as we were arriving in France, the United States responded by strategically bombing Libya.

While in France, as I listened as 80% of the European world criticized President Reagan for the retaliation, it occurred to me that the price of Mr. Reagan’s leadership must have truly been loneliness.

As we flew on to England, the criticism had grown, this time aimed at Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. According to the Gallup poll taken that day, 65% of her own people leveled some of the harshest criticism on her administration for allowing the American bombers to fly from England’s shores. The French, who refused our request for help, were praised for their so-called restraint. Mrs. Thatcher, that gutsy lady who made a gutsy decision, was, instead rebuffed by her own people.

In both cases, responsible leaders made courageous decisions in what they perceived was the best interest of their people. Neither won the popularity contest, yet both, given the opportunity to decide again, would probably make the same decision today.

Some Common Misconceptions:

There are two major misconceptions in America today concerning leadership. The first is that many people confuse leadership with management. They are not the same. Leadership is deeply rooted philosophy. Management is the appropriation of certain skills to complete the tasks one faces. The second misconception is that people are born with the skills necessary to succeed. They aren’t necessarily born with any skills. Skills are developed and learned. Leadership is all about developing those skills to their maximum level of efficiency in an organization.

As a student who has researched habits of successful leaders, I have concluded that these people have a number of things in common. Whether by design or accident, it matters not. Successful leaders, both great and ruthless, have a number of identifiable characteristics. Here are just a few.

1. Great leaders gaze into life’s crystal ball.

They have a vision for the future that is founded on a sound set of personal goals and business principles. They know where they’re headed in life. More often than not, that direction is clearly marked in a written format that includes several key ingredients. First, they know how they want to feel after the game is over. They have the capacity to imagine themselves in “victory lane.” Second, their objective is quite specifically defined. If they wish to lose weight, for example, they know specifically how much they want to knock off. If they wish wealth, they know exactly what it is that they desire to have. Third, they place deadlines on themselves. In short, they make a contract with themselves and they abide by cutoff dates. Fourth, they clearly define the obstacles that stand in the way of the goal. Knowing what to overcome is half the battle. Finally, they hop in, do it, adjust from failure and do it again until they reach their objective — not by trial and error but rather by trial and success.

2. Great leaders are decisive.

The old expression “ready, aim, fire” might best describe the leadership philosophy among today’s current success stories in leadership. They make decisions and then live with the consequences. They’re risk takers, boardroom riverboat gamblers who are determined to get the most from their company and their product. They are well aware of the fact that indecision is, in fact, decision. They don’t want critical decisions being left to fate, time, circumstances or default. They want the right to decide, even if they fail.

3. Great leaders love to fail.

They understand that failure is the process by which we succeed. They know that a certain number of failures must accompany every success. The baseball hitter that’s hitting .333 is failing two out of every three times he travels to the plate. He earns over a million bucks a year. Yet the guy who’s hitting .250 only earns a fraction of that. Yet the difference between them is only one more hit in every twenty times at bat! As management guru Tom Peters puts it, people have got to learn to fail faster in order to keep up in the changing business world.

4. Great leaders aren’t concerned about what others think about them.

If leadership boiled down to someone taking a poll and deciding on what the majority thought at the very instant in time, then Mr. Gallup would be our president. Successful leaders don’t make decisions based on what’s going to make them popular. They analyze the situation and decide what’s in the best interest of the majority concerned. Many times, that decision is very lonely.

5. Great leaders subscribe to a set of standards on which they will not veer.

One of the truly great hallmarks of Ronald Reagan’s Presidency is the fact that, like him or not, you never have to question where he stands on an issue. He never once vacillated on the issue of abortion. You know right where he stands on taxation. The lone wrinkle in the armor was his indiscretion in trying to bargain with the Iranians. Even that “high risk” venture could have landed on its feet, as did the bombing of Libya, had all the pieces of the puzzle come together. He was within an inch of being a hero. This kind of hero/goat relationship is constructed on foundation that is based solidly on a set of standards.

6. Great leaders are honest.

There used to be a time when the word “honest” was considered sort of corny. Fairness and justice were never the issue — only profit. Today’s great leaders have found it profitable to be honest. When some crazy sabotaged Tylenol, Johnson & Johnson didn’t say, “It’s not our fault.” Instead, they faced the issue head up, and this stands today as one of the great corporate leadership decisions of our time. Because they respected the rights of their customers so much that they were willing to take a short-term $100 million-plus loss for the benefit of staying atop the world’s corporate leadership. It was, in fact, the right thing to do for all the right reasons, and Johnson & Johnson has rebounded nicely, proving again why it’s in fact one of the great corporations in the world today.

7. Great leaders expect a lot from their people.

If you expect a lot you’ll get a lot. Expect little, and you may get even less. Coach Vince Lombardi had a tremendous capacity to get more out of his players than any coach in his time. Ditto, Johnny Wooden, legendary Wizard of Westwood who led UCLA to so many National Basketball Championships. Both these men knew how to get their people to be team players — a critical part of the formula or expecting more. Conversely, coaches like former Maryland mentor Lefty Driesell have been criticized for not getting enough, for never being able to win “the big one.” One ACC coach remarked about Lefty’s Maryland teams, “Never has so little been done with so much!”

8. Great leaders show what to do and how to get it done.

They never expect their people to do something that they themselves would not do. If one’s philosophy is sound, then there’s never a question about the decision. That is best reflected in the attitude and actions of the leader.

9. Great leaders listen.

When your people are crying out to be heard, they do so with huge billboards and almost literally flash certain signals to you. Both directly and indirectly they cry out “love me.” Show them some affection. They scream out “notice me.” Learn to pay attention. They say, “Please recognize me.” Reward them for a job well done. Admonish them when their behavior warrants correction. Great leaders understand and accommodate the needs of their people.

10. Great leaders learn to love others.

They sense the need to build others up, many times even at their own expense. They can fire you and make you feel good about the process. The reason is they always deal with the performance and never the performer. Love the person, regardless of the person’s behavior. If they behavior is unsuitable, then speak to that, but never the performer.

11. Great leaders accept responsibility.

They keenly seek the role of leadership because it carries with it the awesome burden of responsibility. They are not drawn to power nor do they shrink from it. They see it as an incidental by-product of the leadership role. They always hold themselves accountable and never blame outside factors like interest rate or the stock market. They understand that if you fail in school, it’s not the teachers who fail you; they just deliver the bad news. If you fall behind in the marketplace, it’s not the market that failed you; it’s simply reflecting your latest performance rating.

12. Great leaders are in a constant state of change.

The trouble with the future is it ain’t what it used to be! Great leaders are in a constant state of innovation that forces them to look at old problems with new solutions. They view “state of the art” as state of necessity. They spend thousands of dollars on training and working with their people. They adopt the philosophy that “you can’t have rabbit stew until you catch the rabbit.” You can’t dispense information that you haven’t got. How would you like to be operated on by a surgeon that hasn’t been to school in ten years?

13. Great leaders are amazingly flexible.

Last October’s crash of the stock market brought the best out of many of yesterday’s great performers. Fate dealt them a severe blow. Many lost a fortune on Monday, but began to rebuild on Tuesday. They possess flexibility and resiliency. They bend but never break. They give, but never completely.

14.Great leaders have a charming sense of humor.

They laugh at their failures and take their successes in stride. They take the light things seriously and the serious things lightly. They constantly have fun, finding the genuine humor in the tragedy of the situation. They laugh at their shortcomings and accept them as part of the hand God dealt them. They possess an enthusiasm for life that transcends any problems they face.

15. Great leaders are committed.

Quite simply, they persist in their cause with reckless abandon. First, they believe in what they are doing. Second, the word “quit” simply doesn’t exist in their vocabulary. Third, they have powerfully strong convictions about their cause, and see their cause as a part of a bigger picture. Fourth, they are self-disciplined beyond understanding. Fifth, they are uncomplicated and hang tough through good and bad. Sixth, they understand sacrifice. Seventh, they enjoy the process of work. Eighth, they have morals that they won’t compromise. And finally, ninth, they subscribe to the theory, “if it is to be, it’s up to me.” They know that the buck stops with them.

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

What more can you ask for?

Charlie Parker – Saxophone
Coleman Hawkins – Tenor saxophone
Hank Jones – Piano
Ray Brown – Double bass
Buddy Rich – Drums
Bill Harris – Trombone
Lester Young – Tenor saxophone
Harry Edison – Trumpet
Flip Phillips – Tenor saxophone
Ella Fitzgerald – Vocals, Scatting

This one is dedicated to everyone who forwards urban legends, or replies with the debunking of said urban legend.

The good folks over at Geeks Are Sexy recently put some footage of the latest Robogames, and here it is.  Flamethrowing robots, yay!

“Please allow me to share with you how “The Secret” changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of “The Secret” is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don’t want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.
At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.
My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be [...] raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.
Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I’ve never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of “The Secret”. Normally I wouldn’t have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn’t have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.
The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the “Law of Attraction” in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn’t exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 “The Secret to Relationships” that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.
The next day in the exercise yard I carried “The Secret” with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness actually made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I’m not sure that everybody’s life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I’m very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.”

Hey Stumbler!  Give my music a listen!!!

Here’s an excerpt from the site:
“Kill hours of your free time believing you that a single piece of good looking software is your key to stardom…”